I don’t think we really understand fear until we truly experience what it can do to us. For each of us fear is something different. Most people won’t even understand our fear.
Our adopted daughter is scared of needles. Very scared of needles. I never really understood this. During a Doctors visit Cass needed to give blood for testing. It took four of us to hold her down and to try and calm her to allow the doctor the get the needle into her vein. Roughly twenty minutes after the doctor removed the needle from her, she was still crying and hyperventilating. It made no sense to me that someone can be that scared of needles.
Then it was my turn to experience true fear. In order to promote the parenting talks that I do, flyers had to be handed out to promote my latest talk. We were targeting a new area, and we had to make the residents aware of the talk. I decided that I would go out there and hand out the flyers. I mean, how difficult can it be? Custom banner stands were put together to … the motorist’s interest as they drove up to me, increasing the possibility of them taking a flyer. This was a really exciting activity. Or so i thought.
The first morning that I had to hand out the flyers, I drove past the point twice and then went home. I could not park the car to get out and distribute the flyers! It was almost like a paralysing fear. On day two, I parked the car but could not get out. Cass had to physically pull me out of the car! I was dumbfounded and intrigued by this. And very angry and disappointed in myself. How can a grown man be so scared of giving out flyers?
This could not be left there. This is what I know about fear:
1. It is only true in our own minds
2. 99% of what we fear never happens
3. Fear is only a thought of an event that we think could possibly hurt us
4. Fear is an internal process that prevents us from getting hurt – but most of the times this ‘hurt’ is just a false idea created in our minds
5. The only way to overcome your fears is to face it
6. We project our internal fears onto the people in the outside world, and make that the truth. The truth is, those people have no idea about our fear. It only exists internally!
Yet, I could not conquer this. One of my coaching friends, Neshika Bell, agreed to help out. She started asking me a simple question: and what if it is true? What then?
Here is my fear: If I stand at a robot (traffic light) and hand out flyers, the motorists will think that I am a loser and a beggar needing their pity.
The truth behind the fear: As a child I was told never to be loud, out there and noisy. Children were seen and not heard. Sound familiar? “Do not embarrass us!”. For me to stand at a robot and hand out flyers, would mean that I am a failure at life, and that would be an embarrassment to my parents.
One of the filters that I live my life by, is to ensure I do nothing that could possibly embarrass my parents. Now that I know this, I can work with it. I can make friends with my fear; invite it in. This does not mean it will just go away. It makes it easier to understand.
The truth is, most of the motorists are so occupied with their own lives, they don’t even think about me. They have challenges of their own: a problem at work, a sick child, anxious about a meeting, relationship problems etc. Whatever they are thinking has no reference to my fear.
We create our own fears out of life lessons, warnings from family and friends, the news and our environment. 99% of these fears aren’t true. It is just our way of preventing us from experiencing possible pain. This is not only physical pain, but also emotional pain.
Are we guaranteed that if this fear becomes reality that we will experience pain? NO! We might actually have fun!
And me? Yes, I ended up distributing the flyers. It was extremely difficult but I did it. Was I in any way harmed? No. Did people RSVP to attend the talk? Hell yes! I see no pain there.
Go out. Confront your fears. You might just be surprised at the results that you get.
To find out more about me, go to: www.leonfourie.com.
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